After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
