yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wear drunk well.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
