I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
