he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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