you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
