Whod you bang
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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