we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
