duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize