woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
