yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize