i just wanna soil my oats bro
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
