Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
