Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
