Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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