i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
