Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
