It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In other news, I just burned my penis
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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