I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
