i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
