i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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