I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
