Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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