She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
