i would punch a child for taco bell
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
