I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Randomize
