speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
