I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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