I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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