so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
