ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
