Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
