Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
