If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
