what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize