He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Two words: nipple clamps
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