she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
