I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
