Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
