that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
