ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
