So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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