She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
