party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
