Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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