Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
