where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
