Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
