she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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