somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sext me about skeletons
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
