The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize