Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
