nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
