bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
