Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
