dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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