I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
