Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
