Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
