it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize