I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
