God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
