he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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