Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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