My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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