dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
where are you?
Hypothermia
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
