Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
