I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
