I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
