Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
