An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
