you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
